


Helping Hands (Five Fingers Extended Mix)

by zvi



Category: Farscape
Genre: 5 Things, Alternate Universe, Blood Brothers, Episode Tag, Multi, Podfic Available, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-21
Updated: 2007-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-01 23:15:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zvi/pseuds/zvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five alien sexual encounters John Crichton never experienced in the Uncharted Territories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Premiere (Cross Cultural Confusion Cut)

**Author's Note:**

> Remix of [](http:)Helping Hands by Kernezelda for the 2007 We Invented the Remix Redux challenge.
> 
> [Podfic version](http://audiofic.jinjurly.com/helping-hands-five-fingers-extended-mix) recorded by Leviticus Lied.

John is not a sound sleeper, so when Rygel whirrs by his room for the fifth time he stands up and says, "Good God, Greenie, I'll give you whatever you want within reason."

Rygel's chair rotates until they are facing each other. "What does that phrase mean: within reason?"

John pauses for a second. What the hell is reasonable when you're trapped on a space ship with people who'd probably kill you as soon as look at you, and no idea where home is or how to get there? Everything he's brought with him is precious at this point, not something to throw away for a little shut eye. "It means if I can do something for you, I will, but I'm not giving you any of my stuff."

Rygel draws himself up straight as an arrow and says, "You would not have been fit to remove my youngest child's refuse when I sat on the Hynerian throne. A body-servant of your size is completely ridiculous."

John smiles and says, "Yeah, but your choices today are between a ridiculous body-servant and none at all, right? So, if you need something done, I'll do it, and then you could let me get some sleep."

Rygel's nostrils flare and he starts to make a huffing noise, but then he stops and smiles wide. (John is unpleasantly reminded of the Grinch lying to Cindy Lou Who.) "There is an itch I am unable to reach, just between my earbrows. It has been bothering me for some time."

John nods and waves Rygel inside. The chair stops just short of John's bed. John's first touch is tentative; he doesn't want to get more slime on his fingers than is absolutely necessarily. But it turns out that Rygel isn't slimy at all, his head feels smooth like a lizard's. "Neat," John whispers, mostly to himself. "Am I getting the right place?"

"Yes, yes," says Rygel. "Very good. Excellent. If you could just be," a shiver and a sigh, "a little firmer. Oh yes, that's it, that's it exactly. Just a little harder," and he leans forward, not quite balancing out of his chair.

John is getting a bad feeling about this, but he's tired and he wants to go to bed and that damn chair _hums_ as it hovers. "Is that good enough? Itch all scratched?"

Rygel's eyes are closed and he's gripping the arms of his chair. "Just a moment, just…." Rygel's breathless and whispery and if he weren't a frog he might sound sexy.

John is now going to bleach his brain, as soon as he finds the local equivalent for bleach. Possibly also his hand. He figures the only way to get this over with is to press harder and faster, so John knuckles down like he's polishing a car.

"Yes!" Rygel hisses.

John jerks his hand back and is glad to see that nothing appears to be leaking from Rygel's head or his lap. "I think you're done, Sparky."

Rygel smiles again, a genuine smile this time (The Grinch is forever ruined because this time it's like when the heart triples in size), and says, "Yes, yes. I think I am."


	2. Thank God It's Friday Again (Blood Brothers Bouncin' Beat)

John takes a calculated risk and goes to food cube storage. Too bad DK isn't here to check his math, he thinks, as he turns around to see D'Argo in the doorway.

"Crichton," D'Argo says. "You are dead." He points his Qualta blade and stalks forward.

John tries to run past him. D'Argo is slow, after all, and running has worked for four days.

But for the past four days, John has run away from D'Argo, not toward him, and the big guy may be heavy on his feet, but he's fast enough with his right arm to clothesline John and knock him half unconscious. John blinks once, twice, and sees the blade coming for his head. He tries to put his arms across his face, but there's something wrong with his left shoulder, and it hurts too much. "Please," he says. "Please, I'll do anything."

D'Argo sits on him, hard and heavy like a blow to the gut, and John throws up a little in his mouth. "Take me as your blood brother."

John swallows and says, "Yeah, that's good. Blood brother, that's good."

D'Argo rises and sheathes the Qualta blade, which is good, but then he pulls a bone knife; John starts pushing up with his right arm, and back with his feet.

D'Argo just picks John up and shakes him. "Take off your pants."

"What?"

"You said you will take me as blood brother. Take off your pants." D'Argo places the knife against John's throat.

John struggles to take off his pants and boxers one handed, but he manages.

He squeals when D'Argo makes three slashes between his navel and his pubic bone. He wants to say, "What the hell are you doing?" but he knows, and further, he's pretty sure he can live through it. Qualta blade through the eye is a different story.

John reconsiders this when D'Argo pulls aside his coat and pants and shoves a bunch of freaking _tendrils_ in the holes he's made. D'Argo thrusts hard and John feels out of control, battered like windchimes in a hurricane, so he clutches to his rapist until it's over.


	3. Rhapsody in Blue (Petal to the Flesh Mix)

John is in a bad way a week after they leave the Delvian temple. There's a pain right in front of each ear which no amount of warmth or cold or meditation will touch. He can escape the pain in sleep, so he's got his eyes closed and he's breathing slow. He glances up through his lashes when the door to his cell hisses open. He's not surprised that a blue column is gliding towards him, and he closes his eyes again.

"You haven't eaten all day." She puts a hand to his forehead.

Something in his head unclenches, enough that he tries to smile. "I threw up when I tried to eat yesterday. I don't feel any better today, so…." He doesn't shrug, but that's what he means.

"John, I wish you had said something. I can help." She puts her hands on the exact spots where his head hurts, and he realizes that it's where the heels of her hands rested while they shared Unity. "I apologize. I knew this was a possibility, and I didn't protect you from it."

His head has cleared up enough that he can look at her. "This is from sharing Unity? But that felt…good?"

She nods and stands. "And now you are dying of loneliness." She removes her robes and lies on the bed next to him.

"What are you doing? I never thought I'd say this to a naked, beautiful woman, but I have to turn down the ride you're offering."

Zhaan smiles serenely and sticks a hand up his shirt, presses her fingers to his flesh.

Again, the pain subsides, and he sits up straight, looks at her. "What the hell is going on, Zhaan?"

"There are social animals for whom Unity is a danger. They spend much of their lives looking for connection, and they find it in Unity, and when it is withdrawn, they die of loneliness." She puts a hand to his face. "Physical reconnection stops the loneliness, helps break the addiction to Unity."

He swallows and unbuttons his shirt.


	4. Durka Returns (Black & White Release)

John goes to his cell and is not surprised to find a naked Nebari in his bed. He leans against the door, carefully keeping his feet on the outside of the room. "You don't have to do this, you know?"

"You told me. You told me I just had to keep my mouth shut about who you are. That I can't kill your friends. I know." She cocks her head at him, the pause and twitch making him wonder if she's descended from a songbird-type or something rabbity, descended from prey.

"So, why are you here? You can say 'thank you' with words, and I'll get your gratitude just fine, I promise." He stands up a little straighter. He is tired, he wants to go to bed. If she doesn't need reassuring, she needs to get the hell out of his room.

"This isn't—. I'm not grateful. I'm not scared. I want to frell. And you're probably not going to kill me." The blanket drifts down lower, and her breasts (or whatever they are) are on display, round and pale and lovely. She inhales once, and laughs softly in her soft, halting way.

And John is tired of being touched only for violence or impatience or to save a life. So he pulls down his pants and says, "This gets hard and about nine denches long. You have some place slick and warm I can put it in?"

The blanket comes the rest of the way down; she spreads her legs and shows a horizontal slit. There's a little puddle on the bed, pretty much the same off white color as spunk.

John smiles.


	5. The Hidden Memory (Love Conquers All Mix)

John knows he lied to Gilina. He does want to be with Aeryn Sun, but it's like wanting to be with Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Kathleen Turner or the vice principal of his high school. The radiant Aeryn Sun is way the hell out of his league, a woman he can't charm or impress, even if she warmly tolerates him on occasion.

But this woman, this small blonde creature in his bed, is nearly as lost he is, and he thinks they can teach one another how to get by in the Uncharted Territories. They can certainly make one another feel better about being stuck here, far from home.

"You were amazing," he tells her.

She shrugs, looks down. "Not really. Officer Sun got the ident chip. Officer Sun did all the shooting."

He's not going to let her get away with that. "Officer Sun could get to Crais because you laid a trap for him in my brain." She looks up and he kisses her, just a peck on the lips, but he has something else to say. "It's your plan and your tech that got me out of that damn chair." He kisses her with tongue this time, a quick pass to say _hello_ and _I'm glad you're here_, and she puts her arms around him now. "You brought me back to you, Gilina."

"You frighten me. I've lost everything I've ever known." She makes a choked noise, a cross between a laugh and a whimper. "Everything except Aeryn Sun." She closes her eyes and breathes in deep. "But I want to believe I'll be all right. And I half do, because you're right in front of me."

He smiles, because there's really nothing to say to that.

"I've never felt like this before." She laughs, a real laugh this time. "It's always been a quick frell between repair jobs before."

So John puts his hands on her ass and really kisses her and teaches Gilina how to make love.


End file.
